There’s already plenty of justifiable outrage among my trans brothers and sisters about the top trending Caitlyn Jenner costume this Halloween; I don’t need to repeat why it upsets us. That said, I have a public service announcement.
To the Guys Wearing the Caitlyn Jenner Costume this Halloween:
Finally, darling, right?!
You’ve been waiting your whole life for a chance like this. We know the longing in your heart, and we’ll be there for you. We know how you duped your wives, girlfriends and partners into finding shoes, and how they had to be the right shoes.
Sure, they looked at you a little strangely when you said you wanted to shave your legs. We know how long you are looking in that mirror when no one is around. We know that you are going to hide that wig and shoes in a special place.
Breathe, darling. It’s OK.
Sure, there will be laughs at the party, especially when two of you in the costume pose for a shot together. Let’s see what they think next year when the two of you come as Jessica Rabbit and Katy Perry and announce you are moving in together.
It won’t be easy, darling, being the only ones in your town, but we know. Start saving for laser hair removal now; take a tip from a sister. No, breasts aren’t really that expensive.
We’ll be here.