She's Tight

She's Tight, this girl
like a bud, like a fist
held in anger, she retracts
yet she wants to be kissed
she's blank like a verse
she's soft as a rhyme
she's under her breath
she's way out of time

she hides in plain sight
got the kids got a wife
got a job got the stress
but slips out in the night
and puts on her dress
drives around town
hoping not be read
she looks in the rearview
stores it under her bed

she's tight, she won't crack
no she won't blow the cover
she plays nice
she says "please" and
she still gets fucked over
fix the car
pay the bills
join the boys in the band
she laughs with guys
she cries when she can
she stays for the money
and security clearance
she drinks way too much
she's not out to her parents
She talks to her mirror while
she makes up her eyes but
she fears for a future
she can't accessorize
she sees her sis on the street
thru the window  and feels jealous
she's risking her life
but she knows who she is
she's afraid she'll get searched when
she flies cross the country
she worries that the bars aren't
"transgender friendly"
So she lives on her laptop
and doesn't complain
she's got an email address
for each of her names
she types into boxes
she hopes for the best
the boys don't really want her
but they love how she's dressed
she's made plans, gotten waxed
sprayed perfume on her shoulders
cried alone by herself
when the fuckers don't call her
she's in motel despair, and who am I crazy
Throw my clothes in the dumpster
maybe this shit will leave me
but her shame is her joy and
her joy is her shame
and she's hungry
for someone to whisper the
that she keeps in her bag
yeah it's under her hair
and her breasts and her face and
if someone just cared and
held her close for a night
and she thought she could make it
she'd be ok for while and
be able to fake it
to mom and to dad and
to junior and sis
and her boss and his wife and
her wife and her kids
but the whole fucking thing
is bigger than she is
than her voice and her
beard and her ass and her penis
she tries hard every day
not to upset the cart
but the horses are gone
and as wild as her heart
she's in flight
it's not right
but its for her own good
she's tight
she's tight
she won't bite
but she should

(all rights reserved by the author: Darya Teesewell -April 1, 2007)

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